A drunk priest's folly
THE NEW PRIEST
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday, he took the
monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous
and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon returning to
his office, he found the following note on his door:
- Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
- There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
- There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
- We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
- The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and Spook.
- David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
- When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was stoned off his ass.
- We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
- When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, "Take this and
eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
- The Virgin Mary is not referred to as 'Mary with the Cherry.'
- Recommended grace before a meal is not 'Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the
grub, yea God.'
- Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a
peter-pulling contest at St. Taffey's.